Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend that absolutely disturbed me. This is a 30-year old woman with two children and one stepchild. She told me that she and her husband would not be married if it weren't for their children together. Realizing there are a lot of difficulties and complications in marriage alone, and knowing that she has additional difficulties with her stepchild, I still assumed that she was just joking. She was not. She informed me that she and her husband had a weekend sans kids recently and agreed to spend two hours together without discussing his passion (his motorcycle) or her passion (the children). With this agreement, these two people who were married in love, and who presumably still love each other, had only enough to say to each other to fill 10 minutes. What will will my friend have when her children are gone?
My friend openly admitted without regret that her entire life consumed by her children, by her choice. She told me that she wants her children to have a better childhood and a better life than she had, so she spends all her time with them and gives them more than what they could ever need with that purpose in mind. I was absolutely dumbstruck. Then I started thinking about this and looking at other parental relationships to which I am exposed. I realized that have seen a lot of people, mostly women, who commit everything and dedicate all their time and energy to their children.
This concerns me as a newlywed and a hopeful mother. I can't criticize my friend or any of the parents I know. I firmly believe that they do everything and give parenting their full effort for the sole benefit of their child(ren).
But I can't help but wonder...is this really how marriage and parenthood are supposed to be? Or, is this just a well-disguised booby trap that leaves parents with nothing once the children are gone?
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2 comments:
I cannot speak from experience, but just like everything else, I believe that marriage and parenthood is what you make of it. If you don't want a marriage that is just a facade for the sake of children, then work really hard together to make it more than that. People who have marriages that suck, have only themselves to blame. So if you want a good one, live to love eachother and your children and to make one another happy. I know it sounds idealistic and naive, but I think if this is how you approach it you will have all interests in heart.
Well you had a kid, but was it your husbands...this is an honest question.
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