I went to the dentist today for my regular 6-month cleaning. Why is it that I forget every time that I HATE having my teeth cleaned? Everyone is always so nice when you walk into the lovely office that is decorated ever so tastefully. Comfort surrounds you as you sink into a soft, plush loveseat to wait pleasantly and peacefully until your name is called. Ever so gently and sweetly they call your name and take you back to the leather chair with the wonderful little headrest. I always think that I'll be able to just lean my head back and take a little nap while they get their silly little cleaning out of the way.
And THEN, the serious business of attacking your teeth and gums from all angles with razor sharp little ice picks begins. Pick, poke, prod. Scrape, scratch.....screw you, you crazy hygienic bitch!!! Not the floss! Not the floss! Don't you see that's why my retainer is called PERMANENT? It can't be removed! Can't you even TRY to be gentle? Is it really necessary to MAKE ME BLEED in order to clean my teeth? Can't you see that my brow is furrowed, my toes are curled, my butt cheeks are clenched and my hands are balled into fists? Can you READ this body language?
And please, for the love of God, stop asking me questions about the weather and my job. You don't really care about the answers and frankly I'm concerned that you're delaying your own progress with idle chit chat. Get in and get out and shut the hell up in between. How exactly do you expect me to answer you when my mouth is wide open like a carp?
These could be the very reasons that rednecks, hillbillies, hicks and bubbas HAVE NO TEETH. Maybe all y'all ain't sa stoopid after'n all.
2 comments:
too late, bubba
i agree. I hate the dentist. But on the bright side it's a good workout for keeping that mouth open for long periods of time. :)
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